Family Caregiver Grief and Depression after the Death of a Loved One

Posted in Hospice & Passing on September 9th, 2011
Tags: after death, family caregiver, grief, loss of loved one, your loss

The stress of caregiving does not end with the death of a loved one and can turn into full blown depression and grief, caused by the responsibility of the last days of hospice caregiving and the heartfelt loss of a loved one through death.  Family Caregivers are usually stressed, exhausted and may suffer from caregiver burnout by the time their loved one has passed away and yet they still must continue on with funeral arrangements, settle the estate and possibly deal with finding employment and another place of residence.

When caregiving consumes the caregiver’s life it eventually erodes their identity so when a loved one is no longer in their care, the caregiver’s daily habits and routine is severely disrupted, forcing the Caregiver to reestablish their needs and identity.  Not only does the caregiver grieve for the loss of their loved one but they must also grieve for the loss of their caregiver identity and for the loss of their personal identity.

Grieving is emotionally therapeutic to heal the wounds from the trauma caused by caregiver stress and exhaustion, and from the loss of quality of life while caring for a loved one.  Even though the circumstances of caregiving can be difficult, with many caregivers accepting their responsibility to care for another person with honor, the feeling of relief from the responsibility of caregiving can be over shadowed with feelings of sadness, anger and remorse.

There are times when the roll of family caregiving becomes so time consuming and exhausting, that it prevents the caregiver to see how friends and family members are coping with the loss of a loved one through illness and death. When friends or family members feel a loss of control over the events as they unfold, may transfer their grief directly on to the caregiver who has most of the control.  Recognizing and understanding the difference between grieving and that of inappropriate behavior from a friend or family member can help eliminate additional stress and resentment.

After the death of a loved one, it is important for Family Caregivers to protect their interests, set boundaries and to reconnect with their own identity; to find their spirit and inner strength first before making important decisions.  Friends and family members may offer unsolicited advice, which may cause the caregiver, who is very vulnerable at this time, to make unsound decisions they may regret later on.  It is helpful to have someone the caregiver can trust by their side to help protect the caregiver’s interests and to ward off individuals who may not respect the exhausted and overwhelmed state of the caregiver.

The process of grieving, to heal from long term stress and to find one’s self takes time. It is important to reconnect with yourself first, before reconnecting with friends and family again. Depression and isolation after caregiving and the loss of a loved one is not unusual. To help work through sorrow, the Hospice Society offers grief counseling or by journaling your feelings in a private diary or through Facebook (under an assumed identity) can be very cleansing. Taking a vacation, pampering ones self, exercise with plenty of fresh air, healthy food, relaxation, laughter, crying and meditation are all helpful through this transition period.