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Family Caregiver HeroesFamily Caregiver grief comes in many forms
Posted in Blessings & Thanks on February 27th, 2011
Tags: blessings, family caregiver, grief, trauma
Understanding caregiver grief
The grief of caring for a loved one, the grief of medical trauma, the grief of loss of personal life and identity, grief of a loved one’s death, and grief of shame when the burden of care is removed are the many different forms of grief Family Caregivers must cope with.
What is so difficult about family caregiving is the state of mourning. We grieve for our loved ones knowing their quality of life and length of life is limited and there is only so much we can do to comfort them. All the while as we focus our concerns on to our loved ones, we either forget or shamefully put aside our emotions that we too are in mourning for the losses we incur as caregivers. Even though the hardships can be overwhelming at times, many caregivers would do it all over again in a heart beat for love, compassion or commitment.
My husband Barry, who is physically and mentally disabled from a stroke 11 years ago, is now coping with kidney disease with only 7% kidney function left, knows his life is soon coming to an end. Barry has been coping very well, much to everyone’s surprise, without kidney dialysis ever since he was diagnosed with only 13% kidney function 5 years ago. With the help of natural health products of high antioxidants, we were able to increase Barry’s kidney function back up to 35%, which helped Barry gain a few extra years without being confined to dialysis for 20 hours per week.
Over the years Barry has repeatedly come close to passing away, with each near death crisis leaving me exhausted and in a state of mourning. In my grief, I would always have to find inner strength to carry on, somehow, waiting for the next health crisis in the long line of medical crises over the years, adding to my state of mourning. While Barry hangs in there and I hang on placing my life on hold, waiting patiently when I can pick up the pieces of my life and to heal my grief.
Over the years, I have spoken to other Family Caregivers, who were too exhausted to understand they were in a state of grief, who felt a great burden lift from their lives when their loved one passed away. Their grief of caring for their loved one becomes grief of mourning for the death of their loved one, and at the same time, feelings of grief for the shame they felt for the relief of the burden caring for their loved one.
Counting my blessings and through meditation and respecting my feeling of sadness and grief, and allowing myself to cry helps to keep me focused. Sometimes we are so exhausted caring for our loved ones that we can no longer identify what emotions we are feeling. Anger, resentment, loss, loneliness, fear, love, compassion, joy are many of the emotions caregivers will experience. It is important to recognize the emotion of grief and the state of mourning while caring for a loved one as all caregivers will need time to heal the wounds of caring for another person in need.
Family Caregiver Health Risks
Posted in Advocacy & Legal on January 19th, 2011
Tags: caregiver care, family caregiving, familycaregiverheroes.com, health, injury
When the family Caregiver is injured on the job, there usually is no one there to cover for them when they need down time. Nor do they receive the same medical care or compensation for job related injuries as homecare support staff or nurses. It can feel very demoralizing when the Family Caregiver must continue on at all costs, even if their health is a stake.
Either the federal government takes responsibility to care for Family Caregivers when they need to be cared for, or Family Caregivers must unite together and form a Family Caregiver community and insurance program to protect their health and wellbeing.
In the last ten years my husband Barry, who is physically and mentally disabled from a stroke, has fallen more than 15 – 20 times. Far too many times to count. Two of those falls were serious enough for Barry to be hospitalized; first was a broken hip resulting in a 3 month hospital stay and a recovery time of two years. The second fall happened when Barry was thrown from of his wheelchair from driving off a poorly marked step at a local thrift shop, resulting in a 22 day hospital stay with 6 months of agonizing therapy.
On two occasions, Barry slid out of his bed while sleeping, and the other remaining falls occurred in Barry’s bathroom where he was able to grab onto one of his disability bars to break his fall and slide down onto the floor unharmed. We placed two emergency doorbell ringers in his bathroom, one on the counter and the other on the floor incase Barry has to ring for help. When I must do errands and leave Barry alone for a few hours, I will leave a cordless phone on the bathroom floor for Barry to call my cell or 911.
It is difficult to lift Barry’s 5’ 10” frame, weighing 170 lbs, including dead weight as he is paralyzed on the left side of his body. When Barry falls, I must use a transfer belt clipped tightly goes around his waist, and with all my strength pull Barry up off the floor onto the toilet seat. From there Barry can easily grab hold of the disability bar to stand up, turn and sit back down into his wheelchair. With each passing year my physical strength weakens, knowing one day I shall have to call an ambulance to help lift Barry off the floor. A very expensive back up for when Barry falls.
Every time I rescue Barry off the floor, I suffer injuries to my back, neck, shoulders, arms and wrists, leaving me in pain and with migraine headaches lasting for a few weeks. As a Family Caregiver for my husband, I do not receive time off when I am injured, or have medical insurance to cover the costs of therapy or medication. Even if I am in terrible pain, I still have to care for Barry and cope with all the household chores and work around the yard. There is no money in our budget to pay for physiotherapy, chiropractic or massage therapy.
Nursing staff and private home care workers receive time off and medical coverage through their employer for work related injuries, while Family Caregivers do not receive medical coverage for their work related injuries. The key word here is “work related.” Family Caregivers work long hours, sometimes 7 days per week for many years taking care of a family member and do not receive wages, vacation pay, pensions, or health benefits.
The health risks associated to family caregiving are high with Family Caregivers passing away 10 years earlier than non-family caregivers. With the help of the internet, Family Caregivers are uniting together to share their stories and concerns and to educate the public and government on the hardships they are facing. We welcome you to join other Family Caregivers at www.familycaregiverheroes.com to share your story. Together we can become a strong force to provide assistance for Family Caregivers nationwide.
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