Posted in Abuse & Bullying on March 23rd, 2010
Tags: bullying, comox valley, COURTENAY BC, courtenay british columbia

 

The cost of bullying – Courtenay, Comox Valley, BC.

Information wanted on bullying prank of Austin Mini tipping in Courtenay, BC , Comox Valley.

These bullys got away with destroying Barry Bateman’s life leaving him disabled and confined to a wheelchair.  A wrong that must be made right.

 

My husband, Barry Bateman, was the Student Financial Aid Advisor at various universities, colleges and at the Ministry of Advanced Education in the Province of BC for twenty years.  Barry would go out of his way to help students apply for student loans and bursaries to further their education, even going so far as to give away his last twenty dollars until his next pay cheque to desperate hungry students, usually mothers who could not feed their children.

Over the fall and winter of 1999 and the spring of 2000, a few individuals continually harassed Barry by repeatedly tipping over and damaging his beloved bright blue Austin Mini car.  This vandalism would take place late at night when everyone was asleep.  Every time this collector’s model car was tipped over on its side, gasoline would pour into the inside of the car damaging the interior. In the morning, Barry would then have to call a tow truck to pull the car back onto its wheels, which would also damage the electrical and mechanical parts of the car with each incident.

The stress caused by this immature act started to accumulate and slowly damaged Barry’s health.  Every night Barry would worry if he would have to wake up to find his Austin Mini vandalized again.  Then he would have the added cost of a tow truck having to flip his car back onto the tires.  The stress of being repeatedly late for work and then having to drive in a vehicle that reeked of gas fumes all became too much.  Barry loved this car very much and by damaging the car, these bullies were damaging him.  These assaults would have been no different if they had physically beaten Barry and left him lying on the side of the road.

Slowly over time, I noticed Barry becoming very sad and depressed, and in the early morning of April 9th, 2000, Barry had a serious disabling stroke and was rushed by ambulance to St. Joseph’s Hospital. Eight hours later, while in ICU, Barry had a second near fatal stroke leaving him permanently physically and mentally disabled and confined to a wheelchair for the rest of his life. 

I want these bullies to know, not only did they take Barry’s life away, but they also took my life away.  Barry was only 54 years old and I was only 42 years old when this happened.  Barry and I were both sentenced to a life of hardship for someone else’s crime.

Barry had become angry with his life and disablity and would emotionally take his anger out on me for the eleven years until his passing in March 29th, 2011.   Barry now suffered from bowel and bladder incontinence  – dealing with soiled bedding and clothing each day, sometimes up to 14 loads of laundry per week. Many times I found myself working until 3:00 in he morning doing laundry and household chores. 

 

Try to imagine you  can no longer walk and life becomes limited to only where a wheelchair can go.  Even though businesses must have wheelchair accessibility for their entrance ways, many aisle ways and seating arrangements are frustratingly difficult to maneuver a wheelchair through.

Then there were the additional medical problems related to Barry’s stroke which were on going and cannot count the number of times calling an ambulance for Barry to be taken to St. Joseph’s emergency in Comox. When Barry and I went to watch the Canada Day parade one summer and the parade started with the fire engines blaring, I became so emotional and started to cry   – a sign of post traumatic stress disorder from having to deal with so many emergencies for Barry. Even now when I am writing this, I am crying as the prolonged stress dealing with Barry’s emergencies are overwhelming.

You lose friendships and live in isolation and loneliness, and you live in poverty because the additional on-going medical costs take up most of your income, having to declare medical bankruptcy. You can never afford a vacation or really go anywhere because many people in society have a difficult time relating to Barry’s medical needs.  I could not even attend my father’s funeral in Edmonton, as there is no support service for emergency respite care.

Most of all I lost my best friend, Barry, who will never come back because of his brain damage and had to learn to care for a stranger who  at times resented me for having to be dependant upon me. Even though I tried to remain positive our days were void of peaceful joy and purpose as everthing was focused on Barry’s medical care. 

I lost eleven years of wages and pension earnings caring for Barry so he could live at home with some sense of dignity and freedom or Barry would have been forced to live in long term care until his passing.

The hurt and suffering caused by these bullies is criminal and unforgivable.  We have cried tears almost everyday since April of 2000. If anyone who reads this article and has information regarding these  individuals responsible for harassing Barry,  please speak up and help stop the bullying.  These bullies should be  criminally charge.  These bullies got away with destroying our lives. It’s time they understand the price we have had to pay for their cruel behavior and they should be held accountable for their actions.

Post Note:  Another part of this story not related to Family Caregiving, but feel should be mentioned as this post is about the serious effects of bullying.  At the time Barry’s Austin Mini was being vandalized, I was receiving strange harassing phone calls and my business computer was hit with 30 to 60 hacking attempts per day.

After Barry’s stroke, the stalking escalated to damaging our van, such as loosening the bolt on my windshield wipers so when it started to rain I could not drive, scratching the paint on the van, breaking windows, damaging the locks, nails in the driveway,  breaking garden pots, flower gardens destroyed, kicking in the front gate, having to change the door locks four times as the house keys hidden away in the yard for the nursing staff to care for Barry were compromised and items in the home were either stolen, damaged or moved around so that you start to question yourself. Throwing rocks on the roof, or they would stand on the street and pretend to be Barry in distress yelling help, forcing me to wake up and check on Barry. Phone calls day and night with angry comments.  My internet business was hit with click fraud (this may have been a competitor’s malicious act) so that my advertising costs went from $400.00 per month to $4,000.00 per month and was forced to close own my business.

The stress as a Family Caregiver is high and to have bullies add to that stress seriously made me consider taking Barry’s life and my own. These bullies would have gotten away with murder by suicide. Once I understood  the motive behind the attacks I had to focus on how best to deal with the matter, which I could not deal with before as I was too exhausted dealing with Barry’s care.

When a folder containing all of the stalking events over the years had been stolen, I wrote up a report and included a psychiatric assessment showing my mental and emotional state. I was stressed caring for Barry but I was not going crazy.   I then spread the word that the stalking report with the  psychiatric assessment report was sent to five individuals with instructions that in the event of my death, even suicide the report was to be sent to the RCMP for investigation.  As soon as I did this the bullying stopped dead. The hornets nest of activity stopped. Ten months later the bullying started up again but on a very low level and once again through individuals the stalker enlisted.  I then was able to clearly advise  these individuals phoning me that they would be charged with stalking and bullying if they continued.  Eventually the bullying stopped.

I seriously suspect the same individuals that targeted Barry were the same individuals that stalked me for thirteen years.