Posted in Hospice & Passing on October 23rd, 2010
My coping skills are fading away. I am exhausted to the core. To help me through this difficult time in my journey, I take Vitamins and minerals and a stress herb called Rhodiola to prevent burnout.
Something is wrong. Ten years of high chronic stress has harmed my health. I worry that I may pass away before Barry does. I have kept this concern hidden from others; it’s not as if anyone can help.
The television show, The Tudors was on this last week, where someone was tortured. I couldn’t stop crying, even today as I write this, and realize I feel like a prisoner, knowing each day I will be tortured a little more, until I die. At night I hate to go to sleep, knowing tomorrow is another day of pain and hardship. Another day of stress.
Still, each morning I try and regain some balance and carry on as best I can, never letting Barry or others know how truly exhausted I am.
I think about the doctor who resuscitated Barry back form the dead; forcing Barry to live a life he hates, and at the same time had taken away my life. He is like King Henry with the power of life or death. Does he even understand the hardship he placed on our lives? Maybe he does, and is very sadistic just like the torturer in the Tudors, knowing the pain and suffering he inflicts.
It is a full moon, which means something has reached its end. The executioner has swung his axe! The King rules with power and madness and feasts with members of court.
Posted in Hospice & Passing on April 7th, 2010
Resuscitation is not for everyone, especially if you are forced to live a life of hardship which may also affect your loved one’s quality of life.
Advance directives, also known as a living will are not always honored by family members, emergency response teams and hospital doctors.
The history of CPR – Cardiopulmonary resuscitation was developed by Dr. Peter Safar, born in Vienna, Austria in 1924. He graduated with his doctorate degree in medicine from the University of Vienna in 1948, where he continued his studies in oncology and surgery.
Dr. Safar transferred his studies to Yale New Haven Hospital in Connecticut in 1950 to finish his studies in anesthesiology at the University of Pennsylvania in 1952. From there Dr. Safar moved to Peru to oversee the anesthesiology department at the National Cancer Institute in Lima, later moving on to the Baltimore City Hospital in Maryland to over see their anesthesiology department.
While in Baltimore, Dr. Safar had conducted research on the existing basic life support system to develop the ABC method of CPR by (A) tilting the person’s head backwards to open up the AIRWAY, (B) using mouth to mouth BREATHING, and (C) closed-chest cardiac massage, CIRCULATING the blood and oxygen throughout the body and brain. Dr. Safar promoted his CRP technique around the world and with the help of a Norwegian company developed the first CRP training mannequin called Resusci Anne.
In addition to the development of CPR, after his move to the University of Pittsburgh in 1961 to implement their anesthesiology department, Dr. Safar developed the first intensive care unit and paramedic ambulance service in the United States.
Dr. Safar was nominated three times for the Nobel Prize, for his contributions in medicine and had also produced more than 1300 papers, 600 abstracts and 30 books and manuals before his death on August 3, 2003 at the age of 79.
The reality of CPR – Society is forever grateful to Dr. Peter Safar for his contributions in CPR, however, fifty years later, twenty percent of the population prefers not to be resuscitated in the event of prolonged suffering and lack of quality of life. CPR was developed to prevent death in previously healthy persons who have suffered cardiac arrest and was not intended as a procedure to be performed in every instance of cardiac arrest.
As far as the other eighty percent of the population; many individuals may not comprehend, or are unaware of the indignity and the hardship of surviving each day filled with loss of independence, frail ill health, pain and poverty as a result of resuscitation. Not only does this prolong the patient’s suffering, but also adversely effects close family members with physical, emotional and financial hardship resulting in life long suffering, even effecting second generations.
In 1969, do not resuscitate orders (DNR) were discussed by a team of twenty-six physicians from Canada and the USA using three rounds of opinion surveys, conducted by the Canadian Western New York Stroke consortium which recommended that do not resuscitate orders (DNR) were deemed appropriate when any two of the following three clinical criteria are present: severe stroke (88%), life-threatening brain damage (73%), and significant co morbidities (92%).
The problem remains that CPR is still initiated by doctors in irreversible illness such as in the case of stroke where there is little possibility for satisfactory quality of life. So why are some patients resuscitated to live a life of hardship?
Eight hours after my husband Barry was admitted into ICU for a stroke he suffered at home, Barry was resuscitated after a second very severe stroke, leaving him permanently disabled. I do not wish for my husband’s death, but I also do not want my husband to live in a tormented world where life is too difficult to live and is too afraid to die, so he now lives in a state of the non-living. Barry’s resuscitation does not make any sense. Why resuscitate someone who will require 24/7 nursing care until their passing.
If this doctor of internal medicine (Internist) who resuscitated Barry, were to live Barry’s life after resuscitation; requiring 24/7 nursing care – that is if the Internist’s wife who is also a physician, were to give up her career, losing income, retirement contributions, medical insurance, suffer financial ruin due to medical expenses and the loss of friendships and social network, to care for a disabled husband at home, dealing with soiled diapers and laundry, vomit, open bed wounds and her husband’s anger each day – this Internist would more than likely despise his life whether he lived at home with loving family members caring him or if he lived in an exclusive health resort, where they used designer baby wipes to clean the feces from his bottom each morning, because the reality is, he is still fully dependant upon another human being just for the very basic needs to live life.
When you live life where there is not too much you can do each day, your life very rarely goes beyond the world of the television set. Inmates in our criminal system live with more dignity.
Doctor’s of Internal Medicine are considered the doctor of doctors, providing specialized medical experience and consultation for family physicians. The Internist who resuscitated Barry has no understanding (or empathy) of the life long hardship he had sentenced Barry and me to live.
In my early twenties, I died and passed over to the other side, just briefly before hospital staff used CPR to bring me back. Dying and seeing loved ones once again who have passed on and then to return back to my body to continue to live life is amazing and am grateful to Dr. Safar for a second chance.
When I passed over, knowledge of everything that is in existence becomes accessible – an all knowingness. Loss of life here on earth is sad with much grief; but passing over is just another existence in our journey of evolution that should be respected and not tampered with by those who have the ability to do so.
SUMMARY:
RESUSCITATION – Procedure used to bring back to life even without your permission.
LIVING WILL – Also known as an Advance Directive.
ADVANCE DIRECTIVE – Medical living will outlining one’s desires in the event of death or near death. Forms for Advance Directives can be found either through local government agencies or your family physician.
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